Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
