In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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