how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
