if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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