He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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