My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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