I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
