Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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