shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
