At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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