My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
