Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
