She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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