how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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