Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
