I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
