Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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