My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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