I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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