god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
