Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
