I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just cropdusted the office
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
