Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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