We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
