I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
