so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
