he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
