Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
