You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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