he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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