saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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