I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
