This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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