you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
