I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize