At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
