I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
