My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You made out with two different species that night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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