Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
