dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
