Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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