we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
