Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
