My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
