I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
