Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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