When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
