you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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