who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
