I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
