maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
