I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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