Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
