It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
