im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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