I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The air was thick with penises
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
