To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time