Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
