Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
