Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
