Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
