Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
