Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
