The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
