spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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