so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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