at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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