Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
