You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
