i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
