Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
