ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
