once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He has the fingertips of a God
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