What a fucking waste of an outfit
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
