her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
